what’s in your head?
The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Separate them from the situation, which is always neutral, which always is as it is. There is the situation or the fact, and here are my thoughts about it. Instead of making up stories, stay with the facts.
Eckhart Tolle
Being a mindset coach, I am really passionate about helping myself and others change the negative stories we tell to ourselves, about ourselves. The stories we tell about others. About our relationships. About our lives. About how life is supposed to be.
The stories that we tell ourselfves can cause real damage to our well being and keep us stuck in belief patterns that do not serve us. The thoughts we can have take us in directions that we may or may not mean to go. Most of the time, these thoughts are automatic and unconsciously made. The thing that fascinates me about this is that we are adamant and will die on the hills of the stories we tell ourselves. We tell those same stories and “beliefs” to others. We tell our story and share our “beliefs” and it ends up clouding the view of another person. We believe our thoughts are the correct ones.
We can make judgements, assumptions and take on perceptions and ideas that are not actually based in reality. We make decisions based on the often faulty and misconstrued narratives we conjure up in so much detail in our minds.
We tell ourselves we can’t do something. We tell ourselves that that person is angry with us. We decide to put a wall up and disconnect from them to lessen our hurt. Our shame. To hide the feeling of unworthiness. The nagging feeling of not being enough.
And the thing that saddens me is that we believe it all. Every word. Our brain is REALLY good at making a case for how our thoughts are in fact truth.
What we THINK has such a huge impact on our views of ourselves, on how we see and interact with others and how we show up in life. How about we change those thoughts, the thing we actually have control over, into ones that are more positive and helpful in guiding us towards the life that we actually want to create and live?
What if…..
we can have the deep and intimate romantic relationship that we want? What if we can be happy in our long term relationships and build a long and beautiful life with the one we love?
we decided that it was easy?
we can live our purpose and wake up each day knowing we are making an impact in the lives of others and we feel so fucking good about it?
we love our work and the ability it provides for us to live life on the terms we create for ourselves?
we have rich and nourishing relationships that help carry us through this human experience with acceptance, unconditional love, adventure and support?
we can change, heal and grow into more of who we really are and take off the labels that we let others put on us long ago?
we were self confident and believe in ourselves so much that we aren’t concerned with what others might be thinking about us and love and respect ourselves anyway, no matter what?
we had thoughts that empowers us, built us up, and allowed us to show up in healthy ways for ourselves and those we come in contact with?
we believed that we are worthy, more than enough, inherently good and loved?
we realize we have a CHOICE? That we can actually choose differently? Choose better?
All of those what if’s? They are all possible. I see it. I feel it. I believe in it with my whole heart.
There is work that is required of all of us. Me included. The coach has a coach and is doing the work as well. While I’ve done so much work on changing what’s going on in side of my own head, I am confident enough to admit that I will be working on this for the foreseeable future. Because, human. I don’t see perfection since there is no such thing, but I know that I can get better at it.
And I know that I can help you do the same thing. I will tell you that it takes action, honesty, awareness and intention. It takes looking in places you don’t want to look. And admitting things that you don’t want to admit. And it takes loads of self compassion. This is no way an overnight process. Those beliefs you have are hardwired into your system. That story you tell is attached to you. But you can reprogram and detach. I promise.
See if you can catch the voice in your head, perhaps in the very moment it complains about something, and recognize it for what it is: the voice of the ego - no more than a thought. Whenever you notice that voice, you will also realize that you are not the voice, but the one who is aware of it. |Eckhart Tolle
When you understand that your thoughts create your emotions, which lead to your behaviors, you have the ability to control your thoughts, and therefore your emotions and behaviors and then your outcomes.
Here are some things to keep in mind as you do this work:
It is our perception of the situation, rather than the situation itself, that determines how we feel about it and how we react to it.
Our perspective of a situation can change if we change the way we look at it, just like putting on a pair of glasses with a different colored lens or looking at an object from a different angle.
When we have a negative interpretation of a situation, it causes a negative emotional reaction.
Finding a positive viewpoint of a situation leads to improved emotional wellbeing.
The actions we take are chosen based on what we think, and especially how we feel about a situation. Therefore, if we change the way we think, it changes our emotional state, which influences our decision making and leads to better decisions.
When we change our negative thought process, improve our mood and stop sabotaging behaviors, we are better able to meet our goals, experience more happiness, enjoy healthier and deeper relationships and embrace more well being.
You are ready. You are ready to change the stories. You are ready to shift your mindset. You are ready to challenge yourself and the things that you’ve allowed into your life that have molded it into the way that it is today.
And I can show you how. xx