metamorphosis
“A story only matters, I suspect, to the extent that the people in the story change.”
|Neil Gaiman, The Ocean at the End of the Lane
A new beginning. It all starts here.
This is the place were we begin our journey.
A journey to
heal
grow
change
and transform.
From the inside out.
This is the place where we confront ourselves and face hard truths with compassion and grace. This is the place we learn to forgive ourselves. This is where we learn to wholly love ourselves.
Here is where we will learn to truly see and understand ourselves and those that we love. Here is where we will learn to live more authentically. This is where we will learn to create the intimate, deep and vulnerable relationships that we long for. This is where we will begin to meet ourselves, most of us for the first time.
But mostly, we are here to design a new relationship with ourselves as it’s the most important one we’ll ever have. And once that happens, everything else falls into place beautifully.
SOME REAL TALK: I have been on a journey to heal myself and grow over the past 24 months after a life changing 2020.
Over these months:
I’ve had the chance to really meet myself. To connect. To unravel. To shed. To notice. To fall apart. To rebuild. To very slowly put myself back together. I cannot sugarcoat this - the journey has been so messy, scary, challenging and extremely painful. It has sucked the air from my lungs on many occasions. I’ve struggled to undo negative patterns and to change my mindset. I have questioned my worth and wondered if I belong. I have had to face some things about myself that fill me with shame. I’ve have chosen to look at my fears. I made myself look at things that have made me wince. I’ve had to reopen wounds that I didn’t take care of properly to tend to them in better ways. I’ve had to be honest with self confrontation and look at those dark places that I’ve stuffed away for too long. The places I ignored, denied and totally disowned. I had to forgive myself over and over and over again. I still do. I’ve had to remind myself that I am human.
Yet, at the very same time, this has been a beautiful, eye-opening and stretching-of-myself-WAY-outside-of-my-comfort-zone journey. I’m learning to love myself a little more each day. I am learning to actually LIKE myself. What a concept! I’ve learned to embrace my feelings and give them the room to breathe, be acknowledged and felt, no matter how fucking uncomfortable they are. I am learning to speak my deepest desires and wants even though doing so has been so foreign to me. I am learning to course-correct when I notice that I am headed the wrong way, to pause and respond (this is a big one!), and to own my part.
I am learning to love myself through metamorphosis.
What a process it has been. There has been so much growth. Grace. Forgiveness. Compassion. Empathy. The woman I am uncovering now - I can’t turn away from her. I can’t abandon her again. I won’t.
This journey is the absolutely best thing I have ever done for myself. Yep, I still trip, fall and stumble…..because, #human. Yet, I am still standing. I am strong enough to get up, look for the lesson and walk on.
metamorphosis:
a major change in the appearance or character of someone or something.
I am getting to know who I truly am.
I’ve also learned that real and sustainable change is NOT an easy path. There is no magic formula. It is not linear. You’ve got to get in there, get down and dirty and get a little beat up. Yet, I am on that path and I’m making my way back to myself. One day at a time. One insight at a time. One reflection at a time. One breathe at a time.
I want to help you make your way back. I would be honored to help you see yourself, truly, if for the first time. To help you love yourself. To help you embrace all of you - the good, the bad, the ugly - and to lead you to your light that has been dimmed for too long. We will do that with gentleness, compassion, vulnerability and so much love.
You have so much damn goodness in you that’s been laying dormant. That you’ve been blind to. That’s been fighting to get out. I will guide you to befriending that goodness again.
Let’s make a new beginning together, shall we?
I’ll be right by your side.
Tosha xx