we all think irrationally. yes, even you, part I

We all do it.

It’s really easy to notice when someone else is thinking irrationally. When what they say sounds illogical and makes no sense. That even when you try to point out their error in thinking, they just don’t get it. They are locked into their point of view as if they’re blinded to the truth. It can be really frustrating.

But the truth is that the same thing happens to you.

At times we all can become blind to logic. Why? Because of the way our minds work. Our minds are good at making up stories, making meaning to things so that they make sense to us. But unfortunately, we can’t always trust what it tells us.

Our brain’s number one goal at all times is to keep us safe so it focuses on evaluating what is happening right now and predicting what is going to happen in the future. And while you are interpreting your world, it is very easy to misperceive or misunderstand situations that are happening around you or the things people say to you. It can be easy to misunderstand others. It can cause disconnection and issues in our relationships. There are a variety of reasons for this.

First, remember, that at all times, you are receiving very limited information. One reason this happens is that literally we may just not know all of the facts. For example, you’re talking to your friend and they may sound irritated. So what you assume is that they’re mad at you. But the truth is, unbeknownst to you, that right before they started talking to you, they received a phone call that they were just laid off from their job.

You don’t know about this phone call. You don’t know why your friend was short with you when you bumped into one another. So you make up a story that you must’ve done or said something wrong. You start spinning a story that they don’t like you or are angry with you. You make up this story with very limited informational. With no proof.

|Your Brain’s Reticular Activating System

The other reason we receive limited information is because our brain is blocking out most of the information that is happening around us. The reason for this is because there are literally millions of bits of information going on around us at all times that could be picked up by our senses. Our brains experiences a tsunami of information on a daily basis and if we tried to take in every bit of information from our environment, it would be like trying to organize your file cabinet in the middle of a tornado. It’s impossible. Our brain sifts out the information that is important for us so that our head doesn’t explode and the important stuff gets through. Because of this, our brain has this really cool focusing feature called the RAS, otherwise known as the Reticular Activating System. The RAS makes our brains function like a filter. It helps our brain determine what information is allowed to get in and what is not. For example, when you’re looking for a new car and have been thinking or maybe doing research about a Range Rover, you will keep noticing that car everywhere. Range Rovers didn’t suddenly appear over night. You simply became aware of them now. It’s just that your brain “now” decides to see a Range Rover more frequently. Simply said, whatever your brain is focusing on at the time, that’s what your brain will pick up on and it will literally block out almost everything.

|Processing Input

Whatever information our brain does have access to will get filtered through what is already in our brain. So your brain will takes this input and compare it to your beliefs to determine what you think about this information. It also searches through your memories to see what has happened in your past that in any way relates to this information, so it knows what it is.

For example, when a baby sees a four-legged creature that’s hairy and his parent calls it a dog, the next time the baby sees a four-legged hairy creature he calls it “dog”. But this time it’s a cat. He does not know that it’s a cat because the only belief he had was that four-legged hairy things are called dogs. Now, imagine the baby had been bit by a dog. Now, the next time it sees a four legged creature the baby’s brain is going to quickly evaluate this creature against the baby’s belief systems and memories of past experiences, which of course will lead the baby to conclude this creature is a dog and dogs are something to be afraid of. The baby reacts to the dog with fear. The problem is that it’s not a dog - it’s an adorable bunny. The baby’s thinking is irrational.

But the truth is, it is not that the baby is irrational—because based on what he knows it’s actually quite smart to fear the bunny. This same exact processes is happening to all of us too, all of the time, in a split second. Irrational thinking happens because we have limited information about what is actually happening and we interpret it through our biased beliefs and memories of our experience, which are limited. Not to mention, most of the memories we have are very often not accurate.

It’s important to appreciate that thinking irrationally does not mean you’re doing anything wrong — just like the example with the baby, the truth is that our irrational thoughts actually do make sense to us, based on our limited understanding.

The problem with irrational thinking is when it becomes problematic and negatively impacts our lives. When it negatively impacts us. When it negatively impacts our relationships. When it negatively impacts how we show up in our lives.

When I talk about irrational thinking, I am specifically referring to situations where this thinking:

1. Limits or blocks us from being able to function in life and achieve our goals.
2. Causes extreme emotional reactions that lead us to behaviors that harm ourselves, others, or our opportunities in life.
3. Distorts our reality. Meaning that the irrational thoughts are ignoring reality or facts in a way that is hindering our ability to make rational decisions or understand what is actually happening, in a way that has negative consequences.
4. Causes us to judge and evaluate other people, ourselves, or the world in a way that is harmful and damaging.

So, as you can see, irrational thoughts are really self-defeating and will negatively impact our lives. If we don’t learn how to identify and challenge our irrational thinking, we will continue to judge ourselves and others, remaining blind to the truths that could actually change our lives, experience some emotional disturbances that can actually harm us, and hold ourselves back from living our full potential and our true desires. But this also means that we don't have to judge ourselves if we have irrational thoughts. Remember, self compassion. Always gentleness and self compassion. It just means that we understand that it's normal to have irrational thoughts and what the irrational thoughts we have can do to us and our lives.

|What Can You Do Now?

Ask yourself:

If I were honest with myself, what irrational beliefs do I have? In what ways am I currently thinking irrationally? Is it serving me? Is it causing problems in my life? In my work? In my relationships? How can I to change it to a rational one? How can I change it into a thought that can really help me long term?

In part two, coming up next week, we’ll talk about how to change our irrational beliefs into rational ones. Once the core limiting beliefs we have are disputed and proven wrong, we can then replace them with new and empowering ones. There are other processes can be used to overcome irrational thoughts or emotional reactions at the surface, but to really change and transform, you have to dig. You have to dig to the root of the problem - the underlying beliefs - to make lasting change possible. So, next time I’ll share with you how to identify some irrational beliefs and compare them to rational versions of the same beliefs. xx