I Thought My Best Years Were Behind Me. I Was Wrong.

For 26 years, I built a life around someone else. A partnership. A marriage. An identity that, for better or worse, had become my foundation.

And then, it was gone.

Just like that, I was standing amongst the peices of a life I no longer recognized, which left me very unsure of who I even was anymore.

I never thought I’d be divorced. Who gets married thinking they are going to divorce? I never thought I’d start over. I thought I’d be with one person forever. And if I’m being completely honest, there were moments I wasn’t sure I could move forward following the weeks and months after we went our separate ways. Divorce has a way of making you question everything: your worth, your strength, your future. Like, NOW WHAT? When you’ve been with someone for more than half of your life, it’s easy to settle into someone that doesn’t even look like you anymore. To get comfortable there. To stay there even when it’s not good for you. It can feel safe even when it’s not healthy.

And divorce in midlife? Well, that is something that no one can really prepare you for. It’s one of those experiences that hurled me into the deep end with no manual, no map, and often on my journey, no clue about how to navigate it. It’s a completely different ballgame: one that challenged me to rethink everything I thought I knew about myself, relationships, and my future.

But here’s what I know now: The end of one life is the beginning of another.

So, I walked towards my new beginning. Here’s how I did it.

Rebuilding Myself From the Ground Up

The first thing I had to do was grieve. Not just the marriage, but the version of me that had only ever known life as someone’s wife. I had to sit in the ugly discomfort of being alone, of facing the fear that maybe I had peaked, and that the best parts of my life were behind me. That what I had was as good as it was going to get.

But that was a lie. And as scary as it was, I refused to live in the story that it was all downhill from there.

1. I Got Honest About the “Fine” Mindset

For a long time, I did what so many of us do. I told people I was “fine.” I told myself I was fine. I thought my marriage was “fine.” I believed I was “FINE.” But fine wasn’t real. Fine was survival and playing small - not happiness. Fine was suffocationg. Fine was an illusion, a half-life where I told myself that this numb, gray, going-through-the-motions existence, was all I could expect from here on out. This was it.

Until I decided that fine was unacceptable.

2. I had to Rediscover Who the Hell I Was

For years, my identity had been wrapped up in being a wife and a mother. Since I was 18 years old, I had been a girlfriend, a partner, a mother, a sister in law, a daughter in law. And when those roles changed, I was left with a big, scary question: Who the hell am I now?

So, I started exploring. I gave myself permission to be curious, to try new things (hiking mountains, crabbing on a boat, gardening in my greenhouse!), to go back to what I loved before life told me who to be. I rediscovered my creativity (writing, drawing, podcasting, starting my coaching business). I poured my heart into my passions (writing). I started making decisions that were mine and not based on what someone else needed from me. Honestly, this is something that I am still working on but, I’m a hell of a lot closer to ME than I was five years ago. And that makes me feel so damn good. It was not been easy but I’m doing the work (and have done so much work) to get to where I am today.

3. I Bet on Myself. Hard.

The scariest part? Learning to trust myself again. After years of making decisions as part of a team, I had to learn how to stand on my own two feet. After spending so much time making decisions within a partnership, especially when I believed I’d always have someone by my side to weigh in or share the load, stepping into that space alone, by myself, felt so, so hard and terrifying. I had to learn to trust my own compass again (really, for the first time), even when it felt like I had l lost sight of it for a while. But it was always there….I just forgot.

The scariest part for me wasn’t just making decisions on my own, but also believing that the decisions I were making were right for me. I had to lean into really trusting my intuition, and validating myself without seeking approval. That was a major shift: it takes courage, patience, and, above all, self-compassion to trust yourself. It wasn’t always easy (and at times, still isn’t), but it’s incredibly empowering when I started to realize that I was, in fact, capable of navigating life with my own internal guidance system.

Dating? Meeting new people? Going out to get a job after not working outside of the home for 20 years? Buying a new car? Taking care of my home and paying my bills? Coaching? Writing several ebooks? Building a brand that empowers other women to break free from self doubt, old stories, and low self confidence and step into their power? It was all terrifying. But I did it anyway. Every risk, every leap of faith, every scary-as-hell step forward has shown me something new:

I am WAY stronger than I ever gave myself credit for.

4. I Went All In On Reinventing My Life + WANT TO HELP OTHER WOMEN DO THE SAME

I had to stop waiting for permission. I had to stop waiting for the “right” time. I decided that life after divorce as I enterted midlife wasn’t something to survive - it was something to own, to thrive in, to dominate. There’s something incredibly empowering about deciding to take my life into my own hands and to no longer wait for permission or the "perfect moment." The shift was intentional for me - from surviving to thriving, from pain to power. I did not want to just navigate this season of life; I wanted to embrace it, claim it, and make it my own. That’s the essence of reinvention, I believe. I wanted to take everything I’ve been through - the pain, the challenges, the lessons - and turned it into a mission to help other women. I wanted to take my own transformation and use it to light the way for others.

And you know what I believe? That’s not just healing; that’s turning my life into a movement and that’s inspiring as hell!

Now? I Am Unstoppable. (MOST OF THE TIME!)

I won’t sugarcoat it. This journey isn’t easy. Reinventing myself, like really, truly betting on myself, has not been a walk in the park. But it has been SO worth it. Reinvention isn’t a pretty fairy tale where everything magically falls into place. It’s so messy, it’s tough, and it forced me to face parts of myself that I had tucked away for years. Betting on yourself means stepping into the unknown, making choices that others may not understand (and being OK with that!), and trusting that the risk is worth it - even when you don’t always feel 100% sure (because at times you won’t. And that’s OK too!).

So if you’re reading this, and you feel stuck - like maybe your best years are behind you, like you don’t even recognize yourself anymore - let me tell you something:

Your story isn’t over. It’s just beginning.

You don’t have to stay stuck. You don’t have to settle for a life that doesn’t make you feel alive. You have the power to burn it all down and build something even better.

And if you need someone to remind you of just how powerful you are, I’m here to do just that! I’m your hype girl! If I can do it, so can you! I’ve got you!

xxTosha