right where i’m supposed to be
You’re right where you’re supposed to be.
I was texting with a friend awhile back about how I wish I knew how to heal earlier in life. I said to her that I have learned so much about myself and I am sad that I hadn’t shown up as my best self in the past. That if I knew then what I know now, I feel like I could have been a better mother, spouse, friend, daughter. Digging into this journey has opened my eyes to the way I operated in the past due to conditioning and patterns I adopted to survive through life’s ups an downs. And that makes my heart hurt. Because I could have done better. I could’ve have been a better Tosha to those around me.
Well, get you a friend that tells you this. I needed to hear this.
“Healing the world begins with healing yourself.”
|Anthon St. Maarten
“We underestimate the power of choice, our power to suddenly wake up one day bored of our own bullshit and decide to do things differently.”
|Saskia Lightstar
I don’t want to beat myself up for mistakes I’ve made in the past. For the times I’ve messed up. For the times I’ve hurt myself and others. I don’t but it’s hard not to. One thing I have learned on my journey is grace. For myself. For others. For all of us. We don’t know what we don’t know. We pick up tactics to help us get through trauma. We hide parts of ourselves because we don’t feel we’re worthy of showing up as our true selves. We don’t know ourselves. We don’t trust ourselves.
BUT.
That can absolutely change. You can begin to get know yourself. You can show up for yourself in different ways. You can heal yourself which in turn allows you to heal others and show up better for them as well. But, you. You’re at the top of that list. You heal for you first.
I didn’t know a lot back then. And I’m sorry I wasn’t capable of giving my best. But I can now. I know better now. I can do better now. Each day better than the next.
I am working on not beating myself up. I will love myself. Be proud of myself. I will keep going because I see me. Finally, I see me.
I am doing the work. That is what matters.
Note to self: You’re alright. You’re alright. xx